I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think i have two assholes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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