No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
