I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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