I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
