dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
