who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Small penises have feelings too.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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