Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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