you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
