And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
