It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
