He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
