All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
