And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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