when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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