from now on my penis is your penis
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
