drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
