If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
