At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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