Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
