I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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