I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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