I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
