Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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