you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
