But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
