I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
pray to the hookup gods
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
