It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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