Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
