Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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