Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
