Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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