Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
