Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
