could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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