Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize