i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize