She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
