I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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