I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize