dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
