Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
