i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
