I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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