booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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