...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
