My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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