I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
