so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
