my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
