DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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