I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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