3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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