Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
