i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
