shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
