Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
