Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
