Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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