This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize