Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
