i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
