somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
