tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
