never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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