SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
