he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you didnt know i had herpes?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's shark week go big or go home
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
