You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
