T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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